the typical libertarian

The typical libertarian is greedy, callous, racist, homophobic and sexist. He wants to privatize health care, schools, courts, law enforcement, the military, and his own grandmother. He wants to empower vile, faceless corporations instead of responsive and responsible democratic government. He drives a gas-guzzling SUV over homeless people on his way to smoke cigarettes in daycares. He is the enemy of all things socially responsible and chosen by popular vote.

The typical libertarian is also an elitist, America-hating, immigrant-abetting, terrorist-apologizing, atheist, pot-smoking, hippie radical. He wants to ban prayer in schools, homes, and churches, while mandating abortion. He want to allow the uncensored airing of womens' bare ankles, necklines, and opinions on television. He wants to sell our children dangerous drugs like heroin, steroids, and cough medicine. He hates American troops so much that he wants to unilaterally pull them out of the line of fire in all foreign countries. He is the enemy of all things moral and approved by proper authorities.

Despite clinging desperately to hopeless fringe philosophy with no mainstream appeal or elected offices, the typical libertarian has recently been revealed as the cause of the end of the world.

The typical libertarian owes its existence to Sugarfree. If there were ever a more odious, puerile, and tasteless enemy of all that is good and chosen by popular vote, Sugarfree probably suckerpunched him while he was taking a leak.

It goes without saying that the typical libertarian is financed by a generous grant from the Koch Foundation, without which he would be a right-thinking registered Democrat.